The Caretaker gives and lends money to express compassion and generosity. This can lead to enabling or even self-abandoning behaviors at the worst of times, but you’re probably also someone who expresses a higher than average amount of empathy and generosity. The question for the day is, are you taking as good a care of yourself as you do of others?

You’re probably a Caretaker if:
• You spend more than 20 percent of your income on others in need, either family members, friends, or charities, but you’re not financially generous with yourself and don’t feel a sense of ease about your generosity.
• Other people in aggregate are more financially dependent on you than you are on them, and there isn’t some other exchange that’s reciprocal (e.g., child-rearing, homemaking, engagement in a humanitarian or creative profession).
• Your total savings amount to less than six months of your spending because you’re always using money to take care of others
• If you have investments, you keep them liquid because you are thinking that you will likely have to rescue someone.

Painful Emotional States
Guilty
Victimized
Martyred
Overburdened
Angry
Selfless
Superior

Common Distorted Thoughts (Conditioned Beliefs from the Past)
They couldn’t make it without me.
My needs are less important than theirs.

Liberating Wisdom or Ways to Focus
I cannot effectively help others unless I’m taking good care of myself.

Archetype(s) You Most Need to Emphasize to Create Balance
Innocent: simplicity, adaptability
Pleasure Seeker: enjoyment, relaxation
Saver: self-sufficiency, abundance

A Practice

NOT DOING
Caretakers are so accustomed to being with others that they often don’t allow themselves time alone—time when they are not needed by anyone else. Make a habit of carving out some time for yourself each day to enjoy the pleasure of your own company, even if only for five minutes at first. You may decide to take a solitary walk or go for a drive and listen to music. If you’re at someone else’s party or house, try to not be one of the more helpful people there—doing the dishes, refreshing drinks, tidying up, or whatever form your care usually takes. Allow yourself to be in relationship without being needed. Regardless of the activity, allow and notice your feelings, whatever they are. You may experience the fear of loneliness or isolation, or you may experience simple joy. When fears
or anxieties do arise, focus on your breathing and try to notice what’s on the other side of the fear. Or, if you are feeling good, bask in that and carry it into the rest of your day.

To do more specific practices related to the Care Taker, buy my book or attend a workshop.